just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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