I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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