i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When did angry sex become our thing?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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