last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
this is an emotional support booty call
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
