I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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