eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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