This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
