I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
