Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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