Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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