brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
