he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize