I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
