Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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