So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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