Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
