ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
