So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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