My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
please don't ironically join a cult
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