Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
