At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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