Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
