decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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