oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
