I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
