I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
