Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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