I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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