alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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