tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
