It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
