you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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