You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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