I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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