ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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