I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
