I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
