mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize