He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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