Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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