Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
