You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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