He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
