i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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