You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
