i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize