Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
