Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
