This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
