the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize