So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize