I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize