so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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