peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
why is half of my head shaved?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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