Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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