I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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