I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
