I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
