I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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