I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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