I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
