whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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