i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
