just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
