So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
