I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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